Walking Contradiction? Permission Granted!

Do you ever feel like you contradict yourself? I sure do. I am a Gemini, so people like to say ‘we’ have 2 sides by nature. I never felt like this really rang true for me and I never had anyone say I ‘acted like a Gemini’ either. Who knows? I don’t know much about astrology, so if you do, enlighten us :). At any rate, I am a walking contradiction most of the time. Are you?

Say what you mean

This sounds simple. As a general rule, I am fairly decent at verbal self-expression. However, sometimes my words get caught up between what I want to say and believe, with my reality. For example, I know that I am by far a happier person when I am spending time being social and developing strong friendships. Could I make more time for it? Probably. I get selfish with my time and my family’s routine. Just being honest. I desperately desire strong, deep friendships and yet, I also want my husband and kids to have a healthy meal while being sure all the bath and next day prep boxes are being checked. Is that terrible?

Sometimes I have trouble speaking up when I am feeling frustrated, unseen, or maybe stuck between what I feel and what I think I should feel. Does that ever happen to you? It’s usually in those unsaid or unexpressed views in which I feel…. contradiction.

Do what you say

Gah. This one is even worse for me!! Mentally, I know what I can control for me to have my best day ever. However, actually checking those boxes is more complicated than it sounds. An example here is my Morning and Bedtime Rituals. I know, you’ve read my posts about these until you’re blue in the face. They really matter and they really and truly positively impact my life. That being said, some days, that snooze button stares at me, triple dog daring me to just drift away a few more minutes instead of getting up and doing what I know is ultimately way more beneficial. And yes, some days, I press that button with all the guilt of knowing I’m missing out on the very best start of my day, yet unable to move my body.

I know from experience that giving myself 30 minutes screen free before bed is what leads to my best sleep. I talk about it, and I do it, but not every single night. Just last night as I laid there scrolling through feeds, I thought to myself, “You should really go put your phone on the side table and pick up a book.”

I’m giving you permission

You officially have my permission to be a contradiction. Is it absolutely necessary for us to always stay on target with what we say and do? I give you permission to say one thing and do another. I give you permission to be focused on your health, and still, somehow end up with a bag of Doritos at your house. You are allowed to be focused on being a productive and impactful employee, and still take a day off to spend in your PJs. If you want to say you are in love with the city you live in, yet you daydream of a move to a foreign country, I’m not judging.

All this contradiction may really just be balance, don’t you think? As long as no one is being hurt, can we agree that exploring the latest chip flavor even when you are vastly interested in the wonderment of the unpronounceable ingredients list is ok? Can we agree that being interested in documentaries and reading non-fiction is perfectly balanced by the occasional episode of The Kardashians? I mean, it is kind of a study on human nature in a way ;).

When is the last time you felt like a total contradiction?

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